I remember when I attended a casual party a few days ago when someone said that skinny people do not get as much attention as a healthier/fuller person. I wish I was a bit healthier because society thinks those who are healthier are attractive than those with skinny bodies. Sometimes I wish I was a size of a pretty model. Sometimes I wish I was more adventurous in college so I could tell my children and grandchildren that their mom and grandma was super fun. Sometimes I wish I had a guy in my life because I never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I was not so shy. I wish I was born rich so I could travel around the world and help people. Sometimes I wish I had that one person that I could rely on and share everything that’s in my heart. Sometimes I wish I was not such an over thinker. Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I did not make the mistakes in the past. But then again do I really want to change those things?
I’ve never been a “glass half full” kind of girl. I’m not even a “glass half empty” kind of girl. I’m more “why is the glass full of water instead of juice?” kind of girl.
I like to consider myself a realist, but that’s a word pessimists created to make themselves feel less cynical about life.
I used to embrace how indifferent I can be towards people and situations. I used to be proud of myself for putting up walls and shutting everyone out, because I am more concerned with protecting myself than going all in. Sometimes, I purposely don’t let myself feel happy, because in some twisted way, I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like if I’m happy for more than 2 seconds, some evil in the universe will rain on my parade and laugh in my face.
I am my own worst enemy.
I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t reserved with my feelings. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t think this person/friend is ultimately going to let me down. I don’t remember a time when I haven’t convinced myself that I’m not good enough.
I am my own worst enemy.
It’s much easier to be your own enemy than your truest friend, and it often seems like a better idea. It’s safe, it prepares us for other peoples’ opinions and ideas, its “realistic,” it’s obvious, it’s… effortless. Something that tends to slip past a lot of people is that your thoughts and your ideas and your beliefs and your perceptions are creating your life, even if you’re not conscious of it. The car is on autopilot, the point is to realize that you’re the one pressing the gas, and at any point, you can choose to steer.
Loving yourself is like being your own best friend, your own caretaker, your own confidante and your own source of fulfilment. It’s a heavy task to get there, and it’s something we’re usually discouraged from (people want us to buy into the idea that external happiness yields genuine fulfilment). It keeps the consumerist market and their own insecurities alive. But it’s often not practical. We all eventually realize that our lives aren’t going the way we want (in whatever way) and that it’s up to us to change them.
In reality, being your own worst enemy is just another way of shouting at the Universe: “I didn’t make this, so I shouldn’t have to control or change it. I didn’t choose this, so I shouldn’t have to undo it.” We can shout all we want, but at the end of the day, it’s nobody’s job or responsibility to love or take care of us, and relying on that is basically guaranteeing that at some point or another, someone else will deny us love, and we’ll be sh*t out of luck.
Becoming your own best friend (and recognizing how you’re your own worst enemy) is the work every one of us has to do, it just is a matter of when we decide to do it. Here, a few tips to get you started, on how to know if you really are being too hard on yourself (and how to turn it around):
- Stop criticizing yourself
One has to stop looking in the mirror, feeling disgusted by our own appearance. We need to tell ourselves that I am beautiful and strong and smart and blessed. And I will stop criticizing where life has taken me. I thought I was going to be an Accountant, but instead, I fold sweaters. And for now, I need to embrace that.
We should stop telling ourselves that I’m not good enough.
- Stop sabotaging relationships
One should let people love them and should love them back with no strings or conditions.Protecting yourself from love is one of the cruelest things you can do to yourself. Not accepting love from someone because they may let you down or break up with you is like never applying for a job because you may get fired or never getting on an airplane because it may crash. Bad things happen, but they happen less frequently than the good. Let love in.
- Stop believing lies that you’ve created
The following is a confession of thoughts I’ve had very recently: “My family is really disappointed in me” , “I’m thin and ugly.” , “I am worthless.”
None of the above is true, but I’ve told myself these lies so many times, that it has become the truth in my own head.
One needs to start replacing these lies with truths. E.g, “My family is proud of me no matter what job I have. They love me unconditionally.” , “I am beautiful, inside and out.”, “I have so much to offer.”
- Stop being content with feeling sad/depressed
Sometimes, it’s easier for us to be in a bad mood than it is for us to be happy. Sometimes, feeling indifferent is peaceful like if I just don’t care, then I can’t get hurt.
Indifference is dangerous. It’s an evil emotion that despite being neutral in definition, is exceedingly negative to the spirit. We should stop being indifferent about our lives and relationships and instead, love ourselves and others like there’s no tomorrow.
- Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks
You should stop being paranoid that everyone thinks you’re weird or annoying or pathetic. Stop changing who you are because someone might like you a little better.
Eat lunch confidently alone in the mall, because no one is secretly laughing at you for doing so. Make decisions based on what is best for you, not to please others.
If you have to repeat these 5 steps like a mantra every day, Do It. I know this isn’t going to be easy and you’ll probably mess up a lot, but changing how you do life is going to take some time. Changing how you operate in relationships is going to take work.
If you feel like the only person who’s holding you back is you, then I encourage you to follow these steps. Don’t let yourself get in the way of reaching your fullest potential. Don’t let yourself dictate what you can and can’t do.
Get out of your own head and embrace yourself and life.
Love yourself and love others.
Let yourself be loved.