A reason behind everything?

A reason behind everything?

I have often come across the quote “Everything happens for a reason” and every time I hear someone saying this to me to make me feel better, in my mind I think “Really?! This strange occurrence that is making things worse for me has a reason?” People tend to say this as a declaration that even if things may not seem good or random right now somewhere down the line everything will make sense. Everything will fall in place where it has to be. Everything will eventually work out.

I suspect that when most people say, “Everything happens for a reason,” they mean “Everything happens for a GOOD reason.” But we live in a universe of limited resources, so it’s almost impossible for something to be good for one person without hurting someone else. Frankly, I think “everything happens for a reason” is — most of the time — something people say to comfort themselves, without thinking it logically. It really doesn’t mean much more than “It will all turn out okay in the end.” Which is fine.

Always remember, everything happens for a reason. Even if that reason isn't apparent until later on, have faith that things will turn out to be just fine.

But since we are talking about it, have you ever wondered it may not be some reason working behind it but it simply it is result of your choices?

The human mind can adapt to almost anything, but not chaos. No one can lead a completely random and chaotic life. The messy room of a teenager may look completely chaotic, but even there a decision was made. The choice was to be messy rather than straighten up the room, and as long as choices exist, true randomness isn’t in charge.

Yes I do not disagree that there are random events in Nature. It’s hard to square the randomness in Nature with the incredible orderliness of human thought. In the last few days I’ve been thinking how to break this habit of convincing myself that everything happens for a reason and believing that there are meaningful coincidences and start taking ownership of my own actions

Take ownership of your own mouth, your own actions, and your own denial. Don't purposely create drama - you make yourself worse than the person you are complaining about. PM

This is a perfect point to say that, since “meaningful” has a purpose and “coincidence” is by definition random. What often accompanies experiences of synchronicity is a feeling of trust. The synchronous event seems to reveal to that there is a meaning, purpose, and direction “out there,” somewhere in a mysterious domain where the event was organized. This is what is meant when people say “Everything happens for a reason” – synchronicity is a reminder that randomness is being countered. But saying that everything happens for a reason isn’t provable. It exists as a shared belief, an article of faith, or wishful thinking, and sometimes all three.

Life isn’t about both things, an apparent orderliness and a lot of messiness at the same time. It’s orderly for a teenager to go to school every day; it’s messy to keep your bedroom a shambles. The key word, I believe, is “appearances.” Things can appear random when in fact this is true only in appearance. Creative people appear to muddle and mutter while they are actually searching for their next inspiration. To someone who can’t read, letters on a page appear to be randomly chose when in reality they are precisely ordered.

This basic notion that appearances can be deceptive leads to some very intriguing possibilities.

  1. Our main difficulty may be our narrow perception. We look at unpredictable events and label them as random because we don’t see the whole picture. If you put a close-up lens on a painter’s palette, his brush dives for various colors at random, but if you use a wider lens, you see the picture he’s actually painting, and it’s totally orderly.
    What I say all the time.. If you look for it good or bad you will see/find it.  So be careful what you look for or better yet see the good instead of the bad. SS
  2. Randomness itself may be a false front. I had read somewhere, “Nothing in Nature is random. A thing appears random only through the incompleteness of our knowledge.”
  3. Because we can’t explain ourselves to ourselves, we devise stories to do the job for us. Without a story, life would be uncomfortable in its unpredictability.
  4. The way you explain your life, and every event in it, derives from your story. In essence, you are your story.
    You are the keeper of your own self peace. No one else is!

Having gotten this far, we reach an intriguing conclusion. People’s stories contain a mixture of order and chaos, so it may be that reality is completely orderly and meaningful, the only difference being how much orderliness we choose to bring into our lives. In other words, the reason that synchronicity smoothens the way for one person and not for another depends upon them.

Everything happens for a reason if that’s how you perceive life; you allow the underlying meaning to express itself. You hold back chaos by trusting in orderliness. Trust isn’t sufficient, not by any means. It’s just one ingredient. The larger picture is about setting up a partnership between yourself and larger, invisible forces. They aren’t mystical forces but aspects of your own consciousness. The invisible forces include creativity, insight, intuition, intention, and attaining a state of mind where you are centred enough to know who you really are.

In the end I would like to state that don’t just stop at a junction where you cannot find a possible meaning of things happening around and you accept that “this is life”. Question. Question your choice, your actions your beliefs. Question everything. And take ownership of your actions, it is your story you are writing why let destiny or reason be behind the desk writing your story.

Yes I am, I have survived worse... Everything happens for a reason, just wait for it! http://www.loaspower.com/what-else-is-preventing-you-from-success/
Source: Pinterest

Friend or Enemy?

Friend or Enemy?

I remember when I attended a casual party a few days ago when someone said that skinny people do not get as much attention as a healthier/fuller person. I wish I was a bit healthier because society thinks those who are healthier are attractive than those with skinny bodies. Sometimes I wish I was a size of a pretty model. Sometimes I wish I was more adventurous in college so I could tell my children and grandchildren that their mom and grandma was super fun. Sometimes I wish I had a guy in my life because I never had a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I was not so shy. I wish I was born rich so I could travel around the world and help people. Sometimes I wish I had that one person that I could rely on and share everything that’s in my heart. Sometimes I wish I was not such an over thinker. Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I did not make the mistakes in the past. But then again do I really want to change those things?

I’ve never been a “glass half full” kind of girl. I’m not even a “glass half empty” kind of girl. I’m more “why is the glass full of water instead of juice?” kind of girl.

I like to consider myself a realist, but that’s a word pessimists created to make themselves feel less cynical about life.

I used to embrace how indifferent I can be towards people and situations. I used to be proud of myself for putting up walls and shutting everyone out, because I am more concerned with protecting myself than going all in. Sometimes, I purposely don’t let myself feel happy, because in some twisted way, I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like if I’m happy for more than 2 seconds, some evil in the universe will rain on my parade and laugh in my face.

I am my own worst enemy.

I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t reserved with my feelings. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t think this person/friend is ultimately going to let me down. I don’t remember a time when I haven’t convinced myself that I’m not good enough.

I am my own worst enemy.

Me too. - I'm so sorry I've made you feel like this... I'm a fucking killer... I don't want to make you sad... I'm the cause of all this..

It’s much easier to be your own enemy than your truest friend, and it often seems like a better idea. It’s safe, it prepares us for other peoples’ opinions and ideas, its “realistic,” it’s obvious, it’s… effortless. Something that tends to slip past a lot of people is that your thoughts and your ideas and your beliefs and your perceptions are creating your life, even if you’re not conscious of it. The car is on autopilot, the point is to realize that you’re the one pressing the gas, and at any point, you can choose to steer.

Loving yourself is like being your own best friend, your own caretaker, your own confidante and your own source of fulfilment. It’s a heavy task to get there, and it’s something we’re usually discouraged from (people want us to buy into the idea that external happiness yields genuine fulfilment). It keeps the consumerist market and their own insecurities alive. But it’s often not practical. We all eventually realize that our lives aren’t going the way we want (in whatever way) and that it’s up to us to change them.

In reality, being your own worst enemy is just another way of shouting at the Universe: “I didn’t make this, so I shouldn’t have to control or change it. I didn’t choose this, so I shouldn’t have to undo it.” We can shout all we want, but at the end of the day, it’s nobody’s job or responsibility to love or take care of us, and relying on that is basically guaranteeing that at some point or another, someone else will deny us love, and we’ll be sh*t out of luck.

Becoming your own best friend (and recognizing how you’re your own worst enemy) is the work every one of us has to do, it just is a matter of when we decide to do it. Here, a few tips to get you started, on how to know if you really are being too hard on yourself (and how to turn it around):

  1. Stop criticizing yourself

One has to stop looking in the mirror, feeling disgusted by our own appearance. We need to tell ourselves that I am beautiful and strong and smart and blessed. And I will stop criticizing where life has taken me. I thought I was going to be an Accountant, but instead, I fold sweaters. And for now, I need to embrace that.

We should stop telling ourselves that I’m not good enough.

A blog post about anxiety, the worry that you’re not good enough and trying regardless.

  1. Stop sabotaging relationships

One should let people love them and should love them back with no strings or conditions.Protecting yourself from love is one of the cruelest things you can do to yourself. Not accepting love from someone because they may let you down or break up with you is like never applying for a job because you may get fired or never getting on an airplane because it may crash. Bad things happen, but they happen less frequently than the good. Let love in.

  1. Stop believing lies that you’ve created

The following is a confession of thoughts I’ve had very recently:  “My family is really disappointed in me” , “I’m thin and ugly.” , “I am worthless.”

None of the above is true, but I’ve told myself these lies so many times, that it has become the truth in my own head.

One needs to start replacing these lies with truths. E.g,  “My family is proud of me no matter what job I have. They love me unconditionally.” , “I am beautiful, inside and out.”, “I have so much to offer.”

yet I wake up with nagging anxiety...I must make those changes to change this

  1. Stop being content with feeling sad/depressed

Sometimes, it’s easier for us to be in a bad mood than it is for us to be happy. Sometimes, feeling indifferent is peaceful like if I just don’t care, then I can’t get hurt.

Indifference is dangerous. It’s an evil emotion that despite being neutral in definition, is exceedingly negative to the spirit. We should stop being indifferent about our lives and relationships and instead, love ourselves and others like there’s no tomorrow.

  1. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks

You should stop being paranoid that everyone thinks you’re weird or annoying or pathetic. Stop changing who you are because someone might like you a little better.

Eat lunch confidently alone in the mall, because no one is secretly laughing at you for doing so. Make decisions based on what is best for you, not to please others.

YOU are a masterpiece. You are unique and beautiful and amazing, just as you are!  Always be striving for progress, not perfection and as you do so, remember that making mistakes is all part of the process. There is always room to grow and become the best version of yourself. Embrace both the masterpiece and the work in progress sides of you and be present in the ups and downs because all of it makes up who you are

If you have to repeat these 5 steps like a mantra every day, Do It. I know this isn’t going to be easy and you’ll probably mess up a lot, but changing how you do life is going to take some time. Changing how you operate in relationships is going to take work.

If you feel like the only person who’s holding you back is you, then I encourage you to follow these steps. Don’t let yourself get in the way of reaching your fullest potential. Don’t let yourself dictate what you can and can’t do.

Get out of your own head and embrace yourself and life.

Love yourself and love others.

Let yourself be loved.

-Nithi 🙂

You can find me somewhere in between inspiring others, working on myself, dodging negativity and slaying my goals.

Who is right?

Who is right?

Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things, with respect of their breakfast. “I wonder why it is that toast always falls on the buttered side,” said one. “Tell me,” replied his friend, “why you say such a thing. Look at this.” And he dropped his toast on the floor, where it landed on the dry side. “So, what have you to say for your theory now?” “What am I to say? You obviously buttered the wrong side.”

Everyone must have met such people in their life who feel as if they are always right! But why do things go wrong in their life if they are always right? Of course, the blame lies with someone in front!

Image result for i am always right

Right and wrong is only perception. It varies from man to man. What you perceive is right for you but may not for others.

According to me, the interpretation of truth is a lifelong event. The person accumulates the bits of information he experiences and creates the picture of truth in what he believes. For example, after waking up in the morning, when the individual goes in front of the mirror, he already has a prior figure in mind what would just get reflected; he already has the feeling what his slippers would feel like wearing in his feet. The whole life is a mere reflection of his/her own version of truth. It is the portrait of his own belief system. These are the beliefs which develop out of conditioning, programming and subconscious adaptation of habits. Now, everything in confirmation to his belief system is truth and is right. Anything with contradictory opinion attracts the curse and blame.

Egomaniacs take offense and blame others when their errors are pointed out.                                                                                                                                                      MoreWe live in a world that has a vast variety of people who have had an even vaster number of experiences. Everyone holds a certain amount of truth and many people are right about a lot of things. Yet, no one has a strangle hold on what is right all the time.

This subject has come up a lot for me recently. And I have found myself on both ends of the argument.

For instance, some people feel the need to give me their opinions to make my life better. For all their good intentions, they may still be wrong. And I have been that one that thinks he knows the right answer. And I have given my opinion to people with all the good intentions in the world. And yet they don’t receive them because they think I am wrong.

It is frustrating on both accounts…

So many questions pop up but they are all the same. Am I right? Are they right? Are both of us right or are we both wrong?

 

One thing we read everyday and don't even know about it.  Road signs.  Without these signs we more than likely couldn't get around town and know where we are going.  I have been lost before driving in unfamiliar places and these road signs helped me out a lot.

For the longest time, I have accepted people’s opinions openly, and have even gone out of my way to ask for them. I have felt this to be the best course because I could draw on a large pool of experience and make the best decisions. Over time though I have slowly pulled away from that idea. Why? Because you do eventually find a situation where everyone is wrong!

There is still an opposite extreme to this as well and I think it is the deadlier one. It is thinking you are always right and never taking people’s advice to heart.

You see, most people are well meaning even when they are wrong. And many times, they are right. They have solutions to your problems that you couldn’t ever come up with yourself. It is good to have many counselors, but it is bad to try and listen to them all.

Like many things the solution to the argument is the middle path. It is wise to avoid the extremes and to seek out the middle path.

It is not healthy to always think you are right. Just like it is unhealthy to always lean on people’s opinions and never make a true judgment on your own.

It is also unhealthy to be prejudiced against the source of the right advice. Have we not heard wisdom from the mouth of babies?

 

Find your balance digital print is a beautiful quote encouraging you to have stability in all aspects of your life. Its so important to...

The real lesson and the task at hand is to discover how we can stand on our principle and moral values yet remain open to possible ideas that may help solve our problems and live better lives.

I have no easy solution but I do know we get better with practice and over time. I would encourage each of you to think more deeply on this and give me your thoughts in the comment section. I am interested to know…

-Nithi : )

Taking Myself Out of the Picture 

Taking Myself Out of the Picture 

something we should do more often..

BeautyBeyondBones

Well, here we are, trudging through May.

Somehow, we’re already on the second week, and if you’re feeling like time is traveling at breakneck speed, then get in line.

giphy-4
I’ve received a lot of messages from thoughtful, lovely humans asking how my mom is doing in her stroke recovery. And, honestly, she’s doing amazing. She is my hero, and has made a remarkable recovery so far.

But reflecting on her journey, since that fateful evening, December 27, I’ve also done some reflecting on my own journey.

I’ve learned a lot of things. Some pretty important – like relearning how to drive a car. Because yes, the stereotype is true that New Yorkers don’t know how to drive. Some trivial, like never to take an Aspirin on an empty stomach.

But if I were to boil down the biggest thing I’ve learned from this journey so far, besides the…

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Cubicle Thoughts

Sitting in my office (a reputed IT company for those who don’t know) with no work today (because my PC had some connectivity issue and the technical team recommended a format) using a borrowed computer terminal, and listening to songs playing in the background (Coincidentally I am currently listening to “Bored to death” by Blink-182) I started to do what I do the best.. THINK!

I’m thinking about the ground realities of working at an IT industry… Well, if you ask about the work environment its all glitters, a nice comfortable chair, an agreeably lit space and (a delight in this hot summer) a 24×7 Air Conditioning!

This is all about the physical aspects, let’s talk about the mental aspects of this job. Such kind of work is mentally more exhausting rather than physically. This is for obvious reason, a human is working/making something that in turn is making things run.

It’s a tough task… You spend hours looking at a computer, stressing all your brain cells to generate a code that you wish would work the first time you run. But only a few lucky developers are able to achieve this great task, 98% of the times your code does not run on the first go. And then a force is unleashed… you’ll spend hours to find this issue (or should I say BUG) and after multiple failed attempts and hundreds of refreshment breaks you don’t find this little bug hiding in a form of a missing semi-colon which your colleague finds in 5 mins of skim through your code. It’s terrible!

Me trying to code.

Martin Valasek (http://www.thecrazyprogrammer.com/2015/03/25-funny-situations-of-programmers-life.html ) has put a life of a developer/ programmer in an apt way, if you are a programmer you will relate to all of these situations…

Python Programming Humor

Being happy at job is mostly about doing what you are comfortable and good at. If you are good at something, you will definitely enjoy it. It’s all about the perspective and knowing what one wants, that makes you fit for one job.

But in this industry, I have noticed the following:

  • People start realizing what they really wanted once they start working on something they are not really interested in.
  • What I feel is happening here is that most of the people tend to move to this industry due to the large amount of opportunities and money involved. It is later that they realize it is not their piece of pie.

Now, staying in this industry for long worth? I have seen people who have gone both ways. People who work for peanuts and people who earns crores (but I feel it’s all about the satisfaction and the expectation that one keeps values their success) so, it depends on how you work, how well you work and what you work for. A little bit of luck in the mix and boom, you are going to fly high – Like most professions out there.

No career is good or bad. It the perception that makes it so. I have seen many people going into the industry with a negative attitude. If you too feel the same the well, this is definitely not for you. One should always do whatever they like… And if you like coding, programming then being at in IT firm will be a best choice. Yes, there would be work pressure, peer pressure and many more (I think this is all part of what you would find in any career choice we make) but the only thing that matters is your happiness.

People around will always say “Do what makes you happy”. It is true. And if you can’t find happiness in what you do, keep finding something better. Why am telling you this? Well, the point here is not to brag. My point is that you are not stuck permanently in the life you have now. Even if it may feel that way.

Trust the Timing of Your Life

We humans have this tendency to forget that time is incremental and that our existence happened over seconds, minutes, days and years. We get way too caught up in the now. Small steps over small periods of time lead to large steps over large periods of time. It’s elementary really!

PS: I myself am in a similar situation of not liking what I am currently doing, so all this is not something just to preach but I do believe in every word of last 2 paragraphs.

There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy. #quotes #quotesforlife

-Nithi 🙂

10 Things..

10 Things..

Do you ever in your free time wonder about how and what you’ve grown into..? Do you also take out your old pictures and refresh your mind?
I love looking back at old pictures from school and college days..

I mean, the fashions, the hair styles, the phones, the boys I had crushes on.. 😉 It is just a blast from the past.

Okay let’s be real, it wasn’t thaaaat long ago. But given every twist and turn my life has taken this far, it feels like a lot of life has been lived since then. Looking back and reflecting on those delicate and formative years, I can see traces of the experiences creep in at various points in my adolescence.

Image result for looking back quotes

I think we all have things on our hearts that -in hindsight- we wish we could say to our former selves. Nuggets of sage wisdom that could have been helpful.

So here’s 10 things I would say to myself (given everything I know now) that would have made my life easier and would still be points to keep in mind..

1. People judge but don’t let it in your head
There are times when you will be judged for the way you speak, way you dress, the way you walk and what not.. But remember this “You are what you think, and not what others think you are”

2. Time spent never comes back, so enjoy!
Time and again you hear someone telling you this, and I am sure most of us realize this after the moment has passed. Since we all wish to live a life without regrets,why not live in the moment and enjoy every second.

Image result for do it now because later becomes never

3. You can be anything you wish to be, its never too late
Recently I heard a colleague say “I always wanted to be that, but I’m too old to be doing it now”. I know sometimes circumstances prevent us from being us, and sometimes when situation clears we feel we have missed the bus. This, my friend, is not true. Because if this would have been the case do you think a chaiwala could have been PM of India?

4. Our youth is never going to come back
Being at young age myself, I am actually not the right person to tell you this. But its good to learn from experience of others. And this is one thing our elders keep telling us for a reason. Ask anyone who has traveled through this phase and I’m sure they will wish to come back and be their wild young self again.

Image result for live young wild and free

5. People hurt, forgive and forget
Wounds heal and scars fade. Not everyone is going to care about how you feel. Because they have to think about themselves too at one point. Knowingly or unknowingly their words/actions may hurt you but be a wise person and forgive and forget, not for them but for your inner peace.

6. Little madness is the key
Being the black sheep does not make you any less of a sheep. You have to be odd to be number one!

7. Good sleep is important, no matter what age
I know most of us now a days sleep for less than the required 8 hrs for we do something important or just chat with a friend in a different town, but do not ignore your health. Because only if you are well you can do everything you wish.

Related image

8. Social media is good, but get social too
Don’t forget the person sitting next to you for the person on the phone. I won’t say stop using Facebook, Twitter or Instagram they have become a part of our lives, but make it a point to keep your phone aside when you are out maybe in a party or a visit to a new place. Beauty is better analog rather than digital.

9. Free time is most precious
No one pays you for your free time, it is only you who own it. So do something constructive, do something that makes you happy. It is during this time you can change your life, the one you are always wishing for.

10. Don’t just exist, Live!

Image result for don't exist live
Live on your own terms, because at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that smile on your face.

-Nithi 🙂

Happy Realisation..

Happy Realisation..

Facebook is a funny thing. Honestly, you never know what you’re really going to get when you pop on The Book. Will you see a hostile political rant? A funny meme about cats? A pregnancy/engagement announcement? It’s a veritable grab-bag of posts that can either make you dry heave, bust out laughing or hard core eye roll. Just spin the wheel of fun.

Image result for cats and crossfit

But sometimes, Facebook can catch you off guard a little bit. Throw you for a loop.

Well tonight, that happened. And it came in the form of a photo. Of this guy, with whom I’ve kinda had a Ross/Rachel friendship-with-romantic-undertones kind of a deal.

Image result for ross rachel

*sigh*

Weak at the knees. You feel me?

But for the last month or two, I’ve completely given up on this guy. Moved on. Tucked away my feelings for him in the “never gonna happen” part of my brain, right next Johnny Depp and Grant Gustin.

Image result for grant gustin gif

But seeing this photo tonight… it sparked a longing in my heart.

Now please, people. Don’t get the wrong idea. Not that kind of longing.

But the kind of longing in my heart for someone to love or perhaps more accurately, someone to love me.

Because the truth that I came to this evening, was that I have a lot of love to give. And I want to give someone that love. I want that with every fiber of my broke and messed up being.

Image result for lot of love to give

I’ve notoriously been a “bottler” when it comes to my feelings, and I’ve gotten better at that. But I’m pretty stoic when it comes to my feelings. I definitely am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve. I like to wear a strong face. Keep up the facade that I’ve got it all together.

But sometimes when no one is around and I’m anonymous in the sea of humanity, I let my guard down and allow myself to just…Feel.
I don’t know, maybe I’m a bit of a masochist, but I turn on my songs and take a walk by the trees and just cry. And I’m gonna be honest: it feels really good, in an emotional release/allowing-myself-to-be-“emo” kind of a way.

Image result for good to cry sometimes

But walking along this evening, I came to three realizations.

First: I do trust that God (though I am an atheist, I believe some universal energy does exists, let’s call that energy God in here) has the right man for me out there somewhere. And I will meet him at the right time. God will bring him into my life when I am ready.

When I started writing and drawing, I was at a very different place.

Night and day different. Not from a “weight/physical recovery” standpoint, but from a “Who am I, really” standpoint.

Through different times I have truly “unpacked” a lot of baggage. I’ve worked through a lot of things that I had been holding on to. Things that had been hindering me from becoming my true self. Becoming my truly free self.

God has been waiting for me to become whole. To become ready. To become able to love someone, and to allow someone to love me back.

But the second thing I realized is that no man is going to solve that deep longing in my heart. No is going to be able to fill that spirit-level desire to love and be loved.

A man can come close, and provide an earthly satisfaction for those relational desires, but only I can truly fill that need. It is only my self love that will truly satisfy that longing.

So while, yes I may be impatient to love a man and show him affection and give my heart to someone worthy of receiving it, ultimately, the Man I should be giving it to first, is myself.
Image result for single and happy
And in this time that I’m single, that is the relationship I should be focusing on and working on.

The last thing I realized, is that, it’s okay to be angry and sad and feeling these annoyed/impatient feelings.

Letting myself cry – is okay. Sure, maybe not every night. But I need to acknowledge those feelings. Feel them. And then move on. Not dwell in them. But give them the appropriate recognition, and move forward.

Perhaps I need to take a respite from the old Facebook for sometime. Because, I’m telling you… I see that photo, and I get a little… shall I say..

-Nithi 🙂